He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
