Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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