her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
