id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
