Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
