Redeem this text for a blowjob
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We have so much sex to catch up on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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