I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
