Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's Friday. Sex?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
