i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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