two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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