Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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