I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
