She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
