I would go down on you faster than GM stock
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
