I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
