Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
