But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
