She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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