is your mom at the bar?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
