What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
