Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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