All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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