i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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