no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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