Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
