Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
