I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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