wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
