meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
