"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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