I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
