I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
