we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
foreskin is a definite game changer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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