adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
