Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
