laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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