Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
