I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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