After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
