You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
