these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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