i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
