Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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