Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
