we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
