I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
