apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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