You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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