Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
