We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
